sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
