I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
