thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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