dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
