im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
