I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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