I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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