The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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