These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
