I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
