So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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