The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
