I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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