a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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