i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
