I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
