Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
