You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
