What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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