i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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