Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
