Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
