I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
