Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
