We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
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