I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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