hotel room ftw
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
