That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
