I think my vagina is haunted
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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