I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
