R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
