My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
