Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Still dying that you shit outside
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize