Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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