I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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