i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
