I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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