If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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