peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
