If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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