At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
