Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
