i just wanna soil my oats bro
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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