i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
