whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
you guys were way drunker than both of me
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize