I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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