Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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