Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
