Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
