My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
