So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize