Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
