How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
