I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
