he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize