Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
