I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
His hands were made for my vagina.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
