Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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