The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
