Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I forgot how hot balto sounded
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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