is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
