Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
