How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
